For people stuck in self-criticism, shame, and never feeling “enough”

Low self-esteem often isn’t a lack of ability. It’s a pattern: self-attack, comparison, overworking, people-pleasing, or hiding parts of yourself to avoid judgement.

I offer therapy for low self-esteem in Central London (W1 / W1W) and online, working with adults whose confidence is maintained by shame, perfectionism, and relational roles.

My work integrates ISTDP, CBT and psychodynamic therapy, focused on changing the pattern, not just “thinking positively”.

When low self-esteem shows up

  • harsh inner critic, perfectionism, imposter feelings
  • fear of judgement, people-pleasing, avoidance
  • difficulty receiving praise or feeling proud
  • shame after mistakes
  • overthinking interactions and replaying conversations

The self-esteem cycle

  • Trigger (mistake, feedback, comparison, conflict)
  • Self-attack (“I’m not good enough”)
  • Anxiety/shame rises
  • Strategy: overwork, withdraw, please, avoid
  • Short relief
  • Long-term cost: confidence shrinks, life narrows

How ISTDP understands self-criticism

From an ISTDP perspective, self-attack often protects against vulnerable feelings (need, sadness, anger) and relational fears (rejection, conflict). Therapy helps bring compassion and strength to places currently governed by shame.

How therapy helps

We work to:

⦁ reduce shame and harsh self-attack
⦁ build emotional capacity and self-respect
⦁ shift people-pleasing/avoidance patterns
⦁ develop steadier confidence grounded in action and clarity

What sessions look like

Early sessions:

  • map the critic pattern and triggers

Ongoing work:

  • work with shame/anger/need safely; practise new responses

Related ways I work

  • Psychodynamic therapy – relational origins of shame/identity themes
  • ISTDP – emotional inhibition and self-attack cycles
  • CBT – thinking habits and behavioural confidence-building

You may also find these pages helpful:

Frequently asked questions

Is this “just confidence coaching”

No, therapy addresses deeper emotional/relational patterns.

Can this improve quickly? 
Often, once the cycle is clear and shifts begin.

Why does praise not land?
Often praise triggers threat (pressure, shame, “don’t get comfortable”), so the mind discounts it. Therapy helps reduce self-attack and build the capacity to receive positive feedback without anxiety.

Can therapy help imposter feelings?
Yes. Imposter feelings are usually maintained by perfectionism and fear-of-exposure cycles; therapy helps you change the habits and the underlying shame so confidence holds under pressure.

W1W/online?Yes.

Insurance? See Fees & Insurance.

Next steps